Work-Life Balance Is Outdated — Find True Harmony With This Approach Are you going after an outdated model of work-life balance? Here are three things to help you learn how to do the work-life tango.

Are you going after an outdated and unattainable model of work-life balance? In my book, Work-Life Tango: Finding Happiness, Harmony and Peak Performance Wherever You Work, I share a modern approach to help you thrive in work and life that won't leave you feeling guilty. The old model of work-life balance that many are still going after doesn't fit with most people's current realities. The 9 to 5 workday is a thing of the past, and with technology at our fingertips, we are now accessible at all hours of the day (and night).

These shifts mean that we need to be much more intentional with how we are spending our time. We need to begin to work and live on purpose. Pulling from my book, here are three things that can help you do this.

Related: Why Work-Life Balance Is Overrated — and What to Pursue Instead

1. Build self-awareness

The first chapter of Work-Life Tango is called "When You Think You're Doing the Tango, But You're Really Doing the Chicken Dance." In order to get to where you really want to be, you need to take a close and compassionate look at where you are currently. Making positive changes is going to be tough if you aren't even aware of the areas that are fueling your frustration or stagnation.

There was a period of time when I noticed that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed first thing in the morning. Getting curious about what the root cause of this was, I noticed that I had gotten into the habit of scrolling through my phone right after I woke up. My alarm would go off, and I would roll out of bed to grab my phone and turn the alarm off. Then, without even thinking about it, I would start checking my messages, opening my email inbox, glancing at the news headlines and looking at my social media accounts. You get the idea … sometimes before I even left my bedroom, I was feeling annoyed, overwhelmed or edgy depending on what I saw.

Upon reflection, I realized that I had been allowing myself to be influenced by all these external factors before I even had a handle on how I wanted to show up for the day. Once this came into my awareness, I had a choice. I could continue down that path, or I could choose a new way to navigate my mornings. I decided that I was no longer going to look at my phone right after waking, and instead, I was going to do things that would support me in feeling my best. I started taking some time to stretch, meditate, and set goals and intentions for myself and the day ahead. These new activities promoted how I really wanted to feel, which was happy, healthy and grounded. With self-awareness comes the power of choice.

2. Work on your relationship with yourself

It all begins with you. When you have an empowering relationship with yourself, you can show up in a way you feel good about in the other areas of your work and life as well. You also have clarity about the things that are important to you. One way to support this is to notice the activities that fuel your tank. What are the things that leave you feeling invigorated, healthy and happy? Are you prioritizing these things in your life? Are you prioritizing yourself? If the answer is no or not as much as you would hope, how can you intentionally make yourself and the things that matter to you a priority moving forward?

Related: 10 Myths About Work-Life Balance and What to Do Instead

3. Identify the time suckers

What are the distractions and mindless activities that are captivating your attention with little to no return on your investment? It could be your phone sitting next to you at work regularly distracting you with dings and vibrations and a silent pull to scroll through social media. It could be an unhelpful habit of attempting to multitask instead of focusing on one thing at a time, which leaves you feeling scattered and overwhelmed. Or maybe it is struggling with boundaries and feeling the need to say yes to things when you want to say no.

One thing I write about in Work-Life Tango is that boundaries are a form of self-respect. Creating and setting boundaries is not always comfortable, but it is a key part of having a happy and vibrant work/life. When you begin to identify these problem areas, you can choose to respond to these situations in a new way. You can reclaim control and begin to live on purpose.

With all of the different chapters of life, sometimes our outer world isn't even balanceable. When I talk about work-life balance now, I refer to it more as work-life harmony. With awareness and intention, we can find inner balance, joy and meaning, which is what I think most of us are really looking for.