Narcissism Can Help You Be Successful — Here's How to Harness It Without Going Too Far, According to an Ivy League-Trained Psychotherapist Matt Lundquist, founder and clinical director of TriBeCa Therapy, breaks down the benefits of healthy narcissism.
By Amanda Breen Edited by Jessica Thomas
Key Takeaways
- Narcissism isn't inherently pathological for an individual or other people, Lundquist says.
- Disordered narcissism impairs how people operate in the world and is highly damaging to relationships.
- A healthy sense of narcissism can come with major advantages, especially in the workplace.
"Narcissism refers to the sense we all have of ourselves — the regard we hold ourselves in, the ways that we focus — and sometimes fixate — on ourselves," Matt Lundquist, a Columbia University-trained psychotherapist and founder and clinical director of TriBeCa Therapy, tells Entrepreneur.
Narcissism isn't inherently pathological for an individual or other people, Lundquist says, but the term is so frequently used "as a pejorative" that the idea that narcissism can be normal, healthy — and even underdeveloped in some instances — falls by the wayside. One need look no further than so-called "#NarcTok," where people use the diagnosis "as a stand-in for all manner of unpleasant behaviors and character traits."
In reality, classifying someone as a "narcissist" in a clinical psychopathology context implies "they have an impairment in narcissism that is severe enough to cause problems in how they're operating in the world," Lundquist explains. They may have narcissistic traits or what is termed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual as a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he adds.
Related: 8 Traits of Healthy Narcissism That Drive Success
"Narcissism, both healthy and disordered, is a defense against the slights and disappointments of the world."
"A good deal of suffering," especially when it comes to relationships, is a hallmark of disordered narcissism. What's more, it's important to keep in mind that there's a level of "healthy narcissism" that actually helps people deal with life's biggest challenges. "Fundamentally, narcissism, both healthy and disordered, is a defense against the slights and disappointments of the world, both real and imagined," Lundquist says.
Lundquist uses the example of what happens when someone fails to receive a promotion at work: A healthy defense mechanism might be to talk yourself up — I'm pretty great. It doesn't matter. I think I might be better than that job, anyway. That's a normal reaction, but "it's not hard to imagine such a defense being overwrought and impairing an individual's ability to healthily work through the rejection," Lundquist says.
Related: How to Recognize and Work With Narcissistic Leaders
But just as a narcissistic defense risks going too far to protect the ego, it can also be detrimental if it doesn't go far enough. If someone lacks a healthy sense of narcissism and is overly tolerant of mistreatment, they may "find it difficult to assert themselves against an onslaught of disappointments," Lundquist says. (He points to Phyllis Vance in the NBC sitcom The Office as an example).
"There's a line between picking oneself up and getting back in the game versus playing selfishly."
In the workplace, healthy narcissism "indicates a level of focus on oneself" that can be advantageous. It might motivate an employee to pay attention to their appearance or presentation and "might be another word for grit, or at least a feature that can uphold grit," Lundquist says. Beliefs such as It doesn't matter that I didn't land that sale; I'm awesome, and I'm going to nail the next pitch can translate to greater success down the line, too.
Related: Your Narcissism Is Killing Your Employees' Productivity. How to Avoid the Pitfalls.
"An excess of narcissism can be quite adaptive in certain industries and workplaces," Lundquist adds. "Plenty of psychological positions or conditions that are generally considered to cause suffering to some degree are nonetheless useful in certain circumstances. Individuals with an excess of narcissism can be known to press too hard, bend rules, be slow to or be incapable of taking in other people's positions and needs. There's a line between picking oneself up and getting back in the game versus playing selfishly and throwing elbows in disregard for others' needs and feelings."
