Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
Garey Mann II of Slidell, Louisiana, submitted the ad shown tothe right, asking, "How can I improve my advertisinglayout?" My answer? The layout, per se, is not the problem;it's the message in the layout that needs moreoomph.
Mann is promoting Discovery Earthcare, his emporium of naturaland recycled products, but his ad doesn't transmit that messagein an arresting way. My idea is to find a truly unusual item on hisshelves to hoist up to the headline and arouse immediate curiosityand interest. Hence, the unexpected offering you see in the"after" ad headline. It's explained by a subhead thatthen transitions the reader into the rest of the ad.
Some may blanch at the reference to "dung" in theheadline. But it accomplishes what most headlines fail to do: Itoffers a lapel-yanking element of surprise. This often makes thedifference between successful ads and failures. Mann might evenconsider putting a blowup of the ad in his mall-shop window toattract passersby.
What should you take away from this example? Create theunexpected--even if makes you a little nervous. Remember the wordsof the famous advertising guru, Jay Chiat: "If your palmsdon't sweat a little, you haven't produced breakthroughadvertising."
Before:
Resist the temptation to use your store name as the headline.Zzzzzz.
1. A headline that includesa benefit would be better than this flat explanation.
2. The bullets work wellhere, making it a quick read for prospects.
After:
This new headline hits the reader between the eyes.
1. Always think: "Whatwill surprise them?"
2. Use a subhead to explainand then transition readers into the rest of the ad.
Jerry Fisher is an advertising copywriter, consultant andauthor of Creating Successful Small Business Advertising($39.95), available by calling (800) 247-6553. To submityour materials for a makeover in this column, send them to "AdWorkshop," Entrepreneur, 2392 Morse Ave., Irvine, CA 92614, ore-mail Jerry at Jerry228@aol.com
